Christmas and Chanukah will soon be here which
brings a flurry of holiday shopping.
The where and how of holiday shopping plagues many
of us. Nothing can quite compare with the yearly ritual of holiday shopping,
which theoretically begins on the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday.
However, in actuality it begins much earlier, of late right after Halloween. In
fact, the way things are going, pretty soon the stores will start putting up
tinsel on the 4th of July.
The frenetic pace of mall madness increases
unabated throughout December. The shopping itself takes on such dimensions that
with many people the material supercedes the spiritual aspect of the holidays.
But before the shopping can even begin, there is
the business of finding parking at The
Mall. Holiday shoppers know when they
are nearing this location because traffic becomes as thick as an ant colony,
and jockeying for position starts in earnest. Inevitably, a type "A"
personality loses patience and aggressively pulls out on the shoulder of the
road, speeds ahead, then forces his/her way into the regular stream of traffic.
This individual manages to gain perhaps four or five car lengths to ultimately
beat the traffic light, forcing other drivers to slam on their brakes and come
to an abrupt halt. A cacophony of horns proceeds to announce the general
agitation.
Arriving at the mall, one is treated to a
breathtaking sight—an unending sea of automobiles. There is quite literally not
a parking spot to spare. And so begins the art of cruising for a space. This
can be compared to the choreography of a ballet. Automobiles pirouette and
arabesque around the lot.
Inevitably, there is a car waiting in each aisle
for someone to pull out. Often there are two vehicles set to swoop down like
vultures. The poor driver who must pull out of the spot has a serious dilemma:
which way to go? One or the other of the waiting drivers must be disappointed,
only to drive off angrily, perhaps offering the middle finger salute. Definitely
not showing proper holiday spirit! (More like the gunfight at Okay Corral)
Drivers keep cruising, ready to dive like kamikaze
pilots when they find a likely target--barely avoiding fender benders--a holiday
miracle in itself. No matter how many spaces exist, there are never enough.
Another technique involves following those who are
leaving. Sometimes these shoppers are merely putting away their packages and
return to the Mall for further exploration. Then there is the individual, fully
aware someone is waiting for his/her parking spot, who decides this is a good
time to sit and light up a cigarette, fiddle with the car radio, or begin a
philosophical discussion on the meaning of life with someone they've conjured
on a cell phone.
Most amazing of all are those who decide to grab
the closest parking spot. I'm talking here about nabbing the spaces set aside
for the handicapped. These artists fall into several categories. First are
those who have no physical impediment whatsoever but park illegally because they
don't want to continue cruising. We have no trouble spotting them as they run
out when the police start ticketing. The second category: those who somehow
obtained handicapped stickers yet can move like gazelles, either had some
impediment but are over it and kept their stickers, or obtained them illegally
in the first place. There seem to be a growing number of these talented artists
who we may refer to as prima donnas.
With so many people claiming the right to place
handicapped stickers in their automobiles, I am waiting for the time when
non-handicapped signs will be issued instead.
After managing to obtain a parking spot and
reaching the Promised Land of the Mall, we are greeted by a chorus of
Hallelujah from the sound system. Unfortunately, by this time, we are almost
too weary to shop.
When Christmas and Chanukah come and all the gifts
are finally handed out, matters are not in the least resolved, as a good
portion of those gifts will end up being returned soon after. (The heaviest
shopping day of the entire year is December 26th) So just when we
think our holiday shopping is finally done, it's only just begun!
Then there's the matter of re-gifting. That's the
most bizarre ritual of all. This refers to presents that don't come with any
clue as to where they were purchased. Even Sherlock Holmes would scratch his
head in perplexity.
These are gifts that no one in their right mind
would want to keep: purple plaid socks, perfume that would make a skunk turn up
its tail in disgust. Well, you get the picture! So what does one do with such
odious presents? Naturally, we save them and give them to those who have given
us their re-gifts. You know you've gone full cycle when one of your re-gifts is
gifted back to you.
So how do we avoid mall madness? More people than
ever are turning to online shopping. I would like to suggest that books are excellent
gifts to give. You don’t have to run around. You can make your selections in
comfort. And you don’t have to spend your life savings. There’s a perfect book
for everyone, whether a bestseller or something from an unknown author. There
are a multitude of useful nonfiction titles: perhaps a cookbook, a book on home
repairs, or history. Fiction provides many choices such as romance, mystery, or
thriller.
Naturally I’m going to recommend several books that
are current:
Smoking Pen Press has just published an anthology
of mystery stories entitled: A BIT OF A TWIST as an e-book. It’s an inexpensive
treat. I do happen to be included in this one with a story entitled “The
Marriage Counselor.” You can check it out here:
Incidentally, this publisher
has open calls for future anthologies. So fellow writers, check them out:
I will also
mention that my new novel THE INHERITANCE from Intrigue Publishing which is a stand alone romantic mystery is
available in ALL e-book formats and print. Check it out:
Also available
from:
What are your feelings regarding holiday shopping?
Do you shop online or prefer to shop in person? Do you give books as gifts? Do you consider
books good gifts? What books would you like to recommend, either your own or
those of others? Thoughts and comments most welcome!
I am definitely NOT a shopper!
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
Good luck and God's blessings
PamT
Hi,
DeleteWell, there's always gift certificates! Thanks for stopping by, Pamela.
Jacquie,
ReplyDeleteA humorous and very accurate description of going to the mall at this time of the year. Having worked in retail for many, many years, I avoid it at all costs. LOL
Patricia,
DeleteI completely agree!
Loved the post, Jacqueline. I'm not a shopper..don't care for it at all. I make most of my gifts and over the last few years buy the rest online. So far that's worked...except for the package the post office says was delivered on the 12th but wasn't. :(
ReplyDeleteHave a joyous holiday season. My best to you and yours.
Hi Rose,
DeleteI wish I had a talent for crafts. It's great to make your own gifts. Emerson said the best gift was something you gave of yourself.
Bah, humbug on what's become of once enjoyable holidays. My son and I went out to eat one night in mid-November and the restaurant was already decorated and playing Christmas music. When my son commented on it, the waitress replied, 'Well, it's the next holiday.' 'What about Thanksgiving?' my son asked. 'Oh, that doesn't count,' the waitress said.
ReplyDeleteHappy Holidays, Jacqui.
Hi John,
DeleteThey really have been downplaying Thanksgiving in recent years because it's not as commercial. The turkeys are probably grateful.
Your post brought back all those experiences that persuaded me I didn't care for Christmas. I do shop online for the few items I buy, and the rest is time spent enjoying friends and family and downtime. Thanks for the smiles, Jacquie.
ReplyDeleteHi Susan,
DeleteWith the holidays, for me the big thing is being with family.
I think I am not a real American woman because I HATE shopping--for all the reasons you cite and more. My dear daughter, however is a real SHOPPER and she frequently will act as my personal buyer for my own gifting. Happy Holidays to you!
ReplyDeleteI have sons and they are definitely not shoppers. But it would be very nice to have a daughter to help with the shopping. Happy holidays to you too!
ReplyDeleteWith two adult children who are as practical as their mother, we tend to exchange gift cards and the occasional humorous gift. I do find that cyber shopping is becoming more and more attractive for me. I can plot and purchase simultaneously!
ReplyDeleteHi Cynthia,
ReplyDeleteI am not much of a cyber shopper, but I definitely see the benefits of it.
Online, online, online. I hate crowds. Lovely post.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rita, I think you voice a growing opinion.
DeleteI hate crowds and the shopping madness as Christmas approaches. It's almost as bad here in the UK as it sounds to be over there. This year, I did nearly all my shopping on-line from animal charity sites since most of my family and friends are fellow animal lovers. It was so easy and stress free. The only visit I made to town was to an actual book shop where I bought several hardback books for family members.
ReplyDeleteHappy Christmas everyone!
Hi Hywela,
DeleteIt's lovely to hear from you in the UK. My daughters-in-law inform me that they now do most of their holiday shopping online as well. It's great that you donate to worthy charities and also support a local book shop!
I have virtually escaped the whole world of gift shopping except the little things I buy for our granddaughters. With the grown up kids, I tell them we should each buy ourselves something we really want or need and then say it's from the other. It's a blessing for all of us because we can avoid the crowds to shop, avoid the line to mail stuff, and avoid getting a gift we don't need, don't want, or doesn't fit.
ReplyDeleteVery wise, Patricia! We pretty much do the same.
DeleteHeh, yeah, after working retail in my younger days, I do all my holiday shopping online these days. I don't do busy places well now that I have children. Thus, why invite unnecessary stress?
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, people should definitely pick up a copy of A Bit of a Twist!
Hi Loni,
DeleteSmart woman! Best to avoid busy places these days for more than one reason. As to A Bit of a Twist, it's a nice inexpensive read for the holidays.
Merry Christmas, Jacqueline. Relax and enjoy the holidays.
ReplyDeleteHappy holidays to you as well, Maris. I'll definitely be taking it easy.
Delete
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